Prémisse
So I had thought it would be nice to go on a break (not from marriage, but from work :)). Hadn't really out much thought into what I’d do - had a vague idea, I’d get more time to exercise, maybe write, read more, and learn something new.
I also do have some alopecia totalis issues (which is now impacting my eyelashes and brows too), which I think may be positively impacted with some change in lifestyle - who knows? But I had to give it a try.
While all this germinated in my mind, I was also unconsciously bored of my current work - was it monotony, lack of challenge, lack of appreciation, feelings of unwonted pressure of performance - I cannot say, most probably it was a mix of all, mixed with the desire to not do it, and see what else there is to life beyond presentations, excels, estimations, planning and reports..(I am a manger in an agile based services development organisation, so the before mentioned items are my daily bread and butter.
So anyway, my thoughtful employer was flexible enough to grant me this time to heal, maybe find more clarity.
I have sometimes (READ always) felt i should have done something else.. It could have been an advanced degree in English literature, with some teaching post that, and/or hopefully some creative writing. However, either a) I haven't had the training to get to where I need to be, to do it at an earn-able level or B) I don't really have it in me.
It could have been something in music.. I was a “good” pianist (in the words of my piano teacher who made me skip grades to take exams and I did pass ), until my 8th standard, when, due to peer pressure, I quit this enterprise.). I still regret it sometimes. Aahh.. the foolish things people do in their teens. I know I know - I might not have been a great pianist, even with training, but it was something I loved doing, playing those beautiful keys, softly, in tune with the notes on the book in front, both hands magically doing their own separate things..recreating a beautiful symphony of classical composers… why did I let it go.
It could have been some form of writing, in the modern scheme of things there are lots of ways you can make money out of writing. In truth, I did earn some with my travel articles. - but it became monotonous, praising one place after the other. What I crave is to be able to contribute different stuff (if i have the creativity) on a regular basis, OR weave an array of characters in to brilliant epic of fictional lives (the author I'd love to be able to write like - Jeffrey archer, Erich Segal (not so much), Ayn Rand (to an extent) and Georgette Heyer (for her humour). I even tried to take a creative writing course, but like everything else, I didn't follow through..
Anyway - in short, the next three months, i have these few things to pursue, plus i need to be fitter, leaner (read - lose 5 kilos and the gigantic tyre across my tummy where my daughter loves to sleep)...
These are my musings for the next 90 odd days..
PS : I’m writing this on my 3rd day (and probably publishing it on my blog even later)....
Day 1 - went in search of piano classes far far away - actually it's just 30 mins away, but in 40 degrees Celsius afternoon hear, it felt way farther and longer. Turns out, as opposed to school, where there was a strict schedule and a syllabus (which pieces to learn, which chords to practice, etc.), as a paying adult student, I have all the freedom to play whatever I want, at whatever level I choose. While that may be good in a way, but a little bit of guidance / advice would have definitely helped.
The somewhat conciliatory tutor would not even comment on my status of playing (which was, by the way, lamentable - given the space of 20 odd years of my last play).. He said “it's up to you”.. I mean what kind of a teacher does not let you know straight out - that you may have forgotten a lot - that you would need to start from scratch. He was just too diplomatic for my liking.
The cost of classes was OK - but the place did not provide free time to practice. And I don't have an instrument (in case you doubted that). Of course I don't! I had just decided to try resuming my hobby in my hiatus period and he wasn't being very helpful except when he unequivocally stated that without an instrument, it would be difficult to learn (the only time I felt he said something that added value).
So anyway, I played a bit (“Are you sleeping.. Brother John and basic stuff which, years back I would have probably played effortlessly) - with difficulty I might add; and with a promise to call him later, I left.
I haven't called him back because now, we are piano hunting,, the least expensive 88 keys instrument that can be had. I don't want to buy a 66k instrument and then quit once my sabbatical ends (as before) - rather I would try to stick to a schedule with a non-expensive (I keep saying non-expensive because don't want to say cheap) one before I am confident I will continue and move on to an upgraded one. So the search has started, in OLX - Two contenders available, will hunt them this weekend.
Day 2: My goodness! What a day! So we are planning a trip to Europe; the hubby is getting some bonus from his company, so we consulted an agent for the visa. All documents in place, the appointment on the day of day 2 - the beast in town VFS -2:30 pm. Until this time, all my visa meetings etc. have happened in embassies, which were structured, people following rules to the letter, no cutting lines, all disciplined (As Indians are abroad). This time was a humongous change.
Despite massive traffic jams, we reached a little before two - turns out one is not allowed inside the facility, more than fifteen minutes earlier than the appointed hour. All right, noted, understood - we stood back and waited, expecting things to go smoothly inside, given the stringent rules on entry itself. And boy! Were we wrong, it was like a fish market - OK maybe an organised one, and not smelly, but market still. Throngs of people, with kids, elders, everyone, in multiple lines, awaiting turns, no clear following of appointment times (so it seemed).
Hence, when we entered the Schengen area for France visa (our first entry is France), our token number was 170 (it was 2:15 PM, just 15 minutes to our appointment time). At that time, the ongoing token was 121. Imagine!. And soon we found that a lot of later parties came in with brokers and got ahead, cutting lines and pulling favours, while leaving other honest people waiting, like idiots.
My hubby was so frustrated and ranted internally for a while. However, being the person he is, he couldn't tolerate it too long and after an hour of patience, he finally emoted his anger to a couple of seemingly senior officials at the area - he asked why a female whose token was 211 was being catered to in a counter while people with 150 or less were still waiting? And more to the same effect. His outburst seemed to have some effect, because, post that, the counters started processing faster, and then thankfully, three and a half long hours, at 6 PM, hungry, tired, and with a super hungry, super tired 4 year old, we emerged out of VFS, freed from their red tape, hopefully with the passports returning to us stamped in a week..
Day 3: Nothing eventful - gym, daughter duties, and this blog, lets see how much I can carry on.
By the way, I'm also learning French - it's hard, because like Hindi, all nouns have genders (why o why would a tree or a building be male and a street be female???!!). However, it's an interesting pastime or as we say in french C’est interessant!..
Day 4: So, the tea guy wins again - depressing day for me. Most of the country seems overjoyed - don't know what they see in him. He is full of false promises, is afraid to answer questions in a public forum, supports bigots and religious fanatics, does not condemn acts of brutal lynchings, rather stays silent on all burning issues, is all show and PR, no substance. And yet, somehow he has hypnotised millions, my (better?_) half too...that is the one thing I am most embarrassed about (how can one be so bad a judge of character?)
What has this guy done in the last few years, initiated a few dooming initiatives which did not have much results, went into bed with ALL the major corporate frauds, and not said a word,. How is he able to convince everyone he is better? Is it his orator skills? Or his PR team… I don't know..
I sometimes get instinctive feelings of disquiet and falsehood on looking at some people and their mannerisms and their general facial expressions.. Case in point -my partner’s erstwhile employer who eventually did not even pay a couple months salary). I met him once, but heard about him several times from my hubby. At that time, my hubby was ready to join that organisation and was impressed and looked up to this person. I, however, never liked the man, and I told my spouse, “There is something wrong with this man”.. And I was eventually right. This “uncle” did not trust his employees, made them work/travel ungodly hours for no apparent reason, did not listen to advice and it did not work out. Thankfully, R got out of that abyss in time, albeit without payment of a couple of months salary, but with much more clarity about what he did not want to continue doing.
I have the same distrusting feelings with our leader - one who seems to have rallied millions with him, but without really doing anything of substance. The new four years are going to be terrible, more acts of brutality against the minorities, garlands for the perpetrators by the presiding elected representatives, propaganda and more propaganda - all talk and no work.
I have a heavy heart today, I couldn't believe it four years back. - this time it feels like this country of bigots who can't see past their religion deserve it, it's scary just to think about the future. All over social media, people (and some NRIs) are really excited and happy. I do not understand what the guard has done for them, besides visiting countries and hugging world leaders and posing. As for NRIs - wow!! you are not even here!! How can you even judge from there if he is the right choice….
I do not understand the psyche, what do people see in that person (who seems to me conniving yet dumb, orator yet no logic or reason behind his words, who speaks loudly in rallies, but is silent in press conferences, who cannot go beyond religion, the neighbouring country, the temple to be) and how they envisage he will be able to cater to the actual issues faced by this democracy.
These are indeed terrifying times… for the sane people, that is.
I also do have some alopecia totalis issues (which is now impacting my eyelashes and brows too), which I think may be positively impacted with some change in lifestyle - who knows? But I had to give it a try.
While all this germinated in my mind, I was also unconsciously bored of my current work - was it monotony, lack of challenge, lack of appreciation, feelings of unwonted pressure of performance - I cannot say, most probably it was a mix of all, mixed with the desire to not do it, and see what else there is to life beyond presentations, excels, estimations, planning and reports..(I am a manger in an agile based services development organisation, so the before mentioned items are my daily bread and butter.
So anyway, my thoughtful employer was flexible enough to grant me this time to heal, maybe find more clarity.
I have sometimes (READ always) felt i should have done something else.. It could have been an advanced degree in English literature, with some teaching post that, and/or hopefully some creative writing. However, either a) I haven't had the training to get to where I need to be, to do it at an earn-able level or B) I don't really have it in me.
It could have been something in music.. I was a “good” pianist (in the words of my piano teacher who made me skip grades to take exams and I did pass ), until my 8th standard, when, due to peer pressure, I quit this enterprise.). I still regret it sometimes. Aahh.. the foolish things people do in their teens. I know I know - I might not have been a great pianist, even with training, but it was something I loved doing, playing those beautiful keys, softly, in tune with the notes on the book in front, both hands magically doing their own separate things..recreating a beautiful symphony of classical composers… why did I let it go.
It could have been some form of writing, in the modern scheme of things there are lots of ways you can make money out of writing. In truth, I did earn some with my travel articles. - but it became monotonous, praising one place after the other. What I crave is to be able to contribute different stuff (if i have the creativity) on a regular basis, OR weave an array of characters in to brilliant epic of fictional lives (the author I'd love to be able to write like - Jeffrey archer, Erich Segal (not so much), Ayn Rand (to an extent) and Georgette Heyer (for her humour). I even tried to take a creative writing course, but like everything else, I didn't follow through..
Anyway - in short, the next three months, i have these few things to pursue, plus i need to be fitter, leaner (read - lose 5 kilos and the gigantic tyre across my tummy where my daughter loves to sleep)...
These are my musings for the next 90 odd days..
PS : I’m writing this on my 3rd day (and probably publishing it on my blog even later)....
Day 1 - went in search of piano classes far far away - actually it's just 30 mins away, but in 40 degrees Celsius afternoon hear, it felt way farther and longer. Turns out, as opposed to school, where there was a strict schedule and a syllabus (which pieces to learn, which chords to practice, etc.), as a paying adult student, I have all the freedom to play whatever I want, at whatever level I choose. While that may be good in a way, but a little bit of guidance / advice would have definitely helped.
The somewhat conciliatory tutor would not even comment on my status of playing (which was, by the way, lamentable - given the space of 20 odd years of my last play).. He said “it's up to you”.. I mean what kind of a teacher does not let you know straight out - that you may have forgotten a lot - that you would need to start from scratch. He was just too diplomatic for my liking.
The cost of classes was OK - but the place did not provide free time to practice. And I don't have an instrument (in case you doubted that). Of course I don't! I had just decided to try resuming my hobby in my hiatus period and he wasn't being very helpful except when he unequivocally stated that without an instrument, it would be difficult to learn (the only time I felt he said something that added value).
So anyway, I played a bit (“Are you sleeping.. Brother John and basic stuff which, years back I would have probably played effortlessly) - with difficulty I might add; and with a promise to call him later, I left.
I haven't called him back because now, we are piano hunting,, the least expensive 88 keys instrument that can be had. I don't want to buy a 66k instrument and then quit once my sabbatical ends (as before) - rather I would try to stick to a schedule with a non-expensive (I keep saying non-expensive because don't want to say cheap) one before I am confident I will continue and move on to an upgraded one. So the search has started, in OLX - Two contenders available, will hunt them this weekend.
Day 2: My goodness! What a day! So we are planning a trip to Europe; the hubby is getting some bonus from his company, so we consulted an agent for the visa. All documents in place, the appointment on the day of day 2 - the beast in town VFS -2:30 pm. Until this time, all my visa meetings etc. have happened in embassies, which were structured, people following rules to the letter, no cutting lines, all disciplined (As Indians are abroad). This time was a humongous change.
Despite massive traffic jams, we reached a little before two - turns out one is not allowed inside the facility, more than fifteen minutes earlier than the appointed hour. All right, noted, understood - we stood back and waited, expecting things to go smoothly inside, given the stringent rules on entry itself. And boy! Were we wrong, it was like a fish market - OK maybe an organised one, and not smelly, but market still. Throngs of people, with kids, elders, everyone, in multiple lines, awaiting turns, no clear following of appointment times (so it seemed).
Hence, when we entered the Schengen area for France visa (our first entry is France), our token number was 170 (it was 2:15 PM, just 15 minutes to our appointment time). At that time, the ongoing token was 121. Imagine!. And soon we found that a lot of later parties came in with brokers and got ahead, cutting lines and pulling favours, while leaving other honest people waiting, like idiots.
My hubby was so frustrated and ranted internally for a while. However, being the person he is, he couldn't tolerate it too long and after an hour of patience, he finally emoted his anger to a couple of seemingly senior officials at the area - he asked why a female whose token was 211 was being catered to in a counter while people with 150 or less were still waiting? And more to the same effect. His outburst seemed to have some effect, because, post that, the counters started processing faster, and then thankfully, three and a half long hours, at 6 PM, hungry, tired, and with a super hungry, super tired 4 year old, we emerged out of VFS, freed from their red tape, hopefully with the passports returning to us stamped in a week..
Day 3: Nothing eventful - gym, daughter duties, and this blog, lets see how much I can carry on.
By the way, I'm also learning French - it's hard, because like Hindi, all nouns have genders (why o why would a tree or a building be male and a street be female???!!). However, it's an interesting pastime or as we say in french C’est interessant!..
Day 4: So, the tea guy wins again - depressing day for me. Most of the country seems overjoyed - don't know what they see in him. He is full of false promises, is afraid to answer questions in a public forum, supports bigots and religious fanatics, does not condemn acts of brutal lynchings, rather stays silent on all burning issues, is all show and PR, no substance. And yet, somehow he has hypnotised millions, my (better?_) half too...that is the one thing I am most embarrassed about (how can one be so bad a judge of character?)
What has this guy done in the last few years, initiated a few dooming initiatives which did not have much results, went into bed with ALL the major corporate frauds, and not said a word,. How is he able to convince everyone he is better? Is it his orator skills? Or his PR team… I don't know..
I sometimes get instinctive feelings of disquiet and falsehood on looking at some people and their mannerisms and their general facial expressions.. Case in point -my partner’s erstwhile employer who eventually did not even pay a couple months salary). I met him once, but heard about him several times from my hubby. At that time, my hubby was ready to join that organisation and was impressed and looked up to this person. I, however, never liked the man, and I told my spouse, “There is something wrong with this man”.. And I was eventually right. This “uncle” did not trust his employees, made them work/travel ungodly hours for no apparent reason, did not listen to advice and it did not work out. Thankfully, R got out of that abyss in time, albeit without payment of a couple of months salary, but with much more clarity about what he did not want to continue doing.
I have the same distrusting feelings with our leader - one who seems to have rallied millions with him, but without really doing anything of substance. The new four years are going to be terrible, more acts of brutality against the minorities, garlands for the perpetrators by the presiding elected representatives, propaganda and more propaganda - all talk and no work.
I have a heavy heart today, I couldn't believe it four years back. - this time it feels like this country of bigots who can't see past their religion deserve it, it's scary just to think about the future. All over social media, people (and some NRIs) are really excited and happy. I do not understand what the guard has done for them, besides visiting countries and hugging world leaders and posing. As for NRIs - wow!! you are not even here!! How can you even judge from there if he is the right choice….
I do not understand the psyche, what do people see in that person (who seems to me conniving yet dumb, orator yet no logic or reason behind his words, who speaks loudly in rallies, but is silent in press conferences, who cannot go beyond religion, the neighbouring country, the temple to be) and how they envisage he will be able to cater to the actual issues faced by this democracy.
These are indeed terrifying times… for the sane people, that is.
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